I was listening to one of my favourite podcasts by Noah Rasheta called Secular Buddhism and he was talking about the five remembrances, which are what he describes as wake up calls that help us see the nature of reality more clearly. I love this podcast because he takes concepts from Buddhism and applies them to everyday life. One of the five remembrances is that as human beings we are all sure to die and we cannot avoid death.
At certain times in our lives it comes into stark view, this reality that everyone we know and we, ourselves will not live forever, and in fact each day that passes we have one day less to live. The idea of the remembrances is not to make us sad, it’s to see the reality of our life and to have us appreciate the people we have in our lives more right now. To see the bigger picture now and not to hold onto petty disagreements and resentments. I certainly find that it makes me more tolerant of my teenagers behaviour, when I think about this.
Experiencing grief in the workplace can be stressful, particularly when you’re self-employed, or an entrepreneur. Even if it’s not your business but a big project is underway or there is financial pressure, it can be difficult to cope. Right now we are facing spiralling costs, recessionary markets, and considerable uncertainty. It is easy to get caught up in the daily problems and petty gripes with colleagues.
Sometimes, when you lose someone you were close to, it can make you question everything. What was the point of all that hard work when life is so fragile. What was previously important can suddenly feel meaningless.
Sometimes, when you lose someone you were close to, it can make you question everything. What was the point of all that hard work when life is so fragile. What was previously important can suddenly feel meaningless.
Or maybe, it’s easier to keep on working, to go into work and power on through when you are grieving, because for a while you can forget about your feelings and just think about work. I used to see this a lot in my previous work as a lawyer, people would prefer to work just to keep busy and then they could squash down their painful feelings. But that never really succeeds. The feelings have to come out somewhere and if you hide from feelings, and try not to feel them at all, over-working, or drinking to numb yourself you can find yourself getting physically sick or ill or you become anxious because you are afraid of your own feelings overwhelming you, so you try to avoid them.
It’s not part of our workplace culture to acknowledge and accept feelings like this and your colleagues can also be uncomfortable talking about them. It’s a stigma we need to crash through. Take time out, talk about what you are going through, sit with your feelings and acknowledge them rather than squashing them down with work. After all we are all in the same boat. Like the five remembrances reminds us, we are all of the nuture to die, we cannot escape death. Everyone will have these experiences and you are not alone.
The more that you can open up, talk about it, you will create a space for others to do the same and to share what they may also be experiencing.
The more that you can open up, talk about it, you will create a space for others to do the same and to share what they may also be experiencing.
Taking some time out to see the bigger picture is vital to create perspective and understanding. Appreciate the people who are here now in your life. Appreciate each day as a day you have on this planet.
It’s okay to be sad, angry and lonely. It’s okay to feel like you can’t cope, or that you are overwhelmed or to feel physical symptoms. It’s okay to feel whatever you feel. Do allow yourself to fully be in the feelings. Recognise that the feelings are not you. They are what you are experiencing. You will experience other feelings later which will be different.
Talk to others. If you’re suffering with grief and don’t know who to talk to, there are bereavement counsellors at Cruse who can help. Talking and sharing feelings might feel uncomfortable to start with, if you are not used to it and you don’t want to trouble other people. However, it’s a necessary part of the healing process.
RTT is also a highly effective treatment for grief, to help you cope with loss following major life events. Grief is a common experience when we suffer a loss. This doesn’t always mean a death. Rapid Transformational Therapy is proven and backed by hundreds of scientific studies. In as little as 1-2 sessions, we can discover what’s at the root cause of your feelings and help you process them and transform them to stop you from struggling.
If you feel this is for you, you can book a free call with me to discuss with no obligation to book a paid session.