I’ll let you into a little secret. Before I was a hypnotherapist, I was a lawyer.  Much of my career I spent helping people to divorce after a relationship breakdown and in turn sorting out their house, finances and arrangements for co-parenting their children. Therefore, I came into contact on a daily basis with people whose lives were in transition, dealing with the change that relationship breakdown brings. It’s pretty traumatic for some, going through a divorce or relationship breakdowns, losing their house, status, not seeing their children as much as they would want, and feeling betrayed, lost, rejected and broken.   Whether the betrayal was the discovery of an affair or another secret revealed, or the relationship had become devoid of love and respect, it’s a difficult time. In turn, all these clients were battling extremely strong emotions. I now help people overcome their emotions with divorce and relationship therapy. 

When we feel betrayed by someone we can experience a massive range of emotions, anger and hurt, we feel deceived and embarrassed.  Our lives can feel like they are literally falling apart.  As a lawyer, it wasn’t really my job to give clients therapeutic advice, we were paid to advise about the rights of the parties.  However, it’s a time when good solid emotional advice is very much needed, because there are long lasting effects of a relationship breakdown, not just on the couple, but also their children and wider family and friends. I wonder how many of these couples really wanted to ask ‘how do I save my marriage?’

One aspect that always struck me was how much we all get caught up into our own stories, and how much we decide that we are 100% right and the other person is 100% wrong.  When we do this and begin to believe our story, it’s very easy to take a victim role and cling onto that for a long time.  Even last week I was talking to a man who told me, “my wife left me” and this in his mind justified why he hadn’t achieved as much as he wanted in his life.  It made me reflect on how he must think of himself.

Until you find a lasting relationship, it stands to reason that all the ones before that are destined to end.  It doesn’t have to mean that you are broken or there is something wrong with you. 

Equally, if you keep choosing people who are not suitable or who reject you, it can be useful to do some inner work to find out why and what is happening for you. Some people are repeating patterns of what they experienced in childhood.

Maybe you formed a belief as a young child that you couldn’t trust people around you, or that other people will let you down. You may be unconsciously attracted to partners who will give you ‘evidence’ that you are right about that belief.  You may notice yourself pushing your partner away or acting jealous, because of your unconscious beliefs.

If you experienced trauma as a child, you may not want to open yourself up to allow someone to love you fully, because you have an unconscious belief that you must protect yourself from being emotionally or physically hurt ever again. 

Our minds are constantly looking out to try to keep us safe, and our unconscious beliefs can sabotage relationships that for some reason don’t feel safe, when really they are. 

Making the decision to separate or divorce is very difficult for all involved. Maybe you feel like your marriage/relationship is worth saving and you’re open to discover how to work towards your desired goal, true happiness…together.

RTT hypnotherapy unlocks the hidden beliefs that might be derailing your relationships and change them so that you can love and live fully and both give and accept true, unconditional love into your life.

Maybe you separated from your partner a long time ago and you’re struggling to get past the trauma of the relationship ending and you’re ready to live life to the full again.